Behind Closed Doors

There is laughter
There is sadness


There is light
There is darkness

There is hope
There is despair

There is love
There is fear

Can you see?
Can you hear?


It's all there
Behind closed doors

Summer 2012

Now that V is in school, everything has to be planned around his schedule. Can not take days off from school on the whim. So this year most of our vacations or time off was planned around his school calendar. This is also the year I realized how much V enjoys traveling and visiting new places. We went on a 4 week trip to India. No no, not a vacation, a trip. I always want to take a vacation right after I come back from India. Don't get me wrong, I love to visit the family and I get to see some of my family but man the 30+ hour travel from Phoenix and all the nonsense when I get to India, it definitely dampers the excitement a bit.

We visited Prabu's native place Bodi where V met his great-grandmother and had such an awesome time. He actually wanted to stay few more days there (so did I. I love me some Bodi kind of place) but we had to get back as Prabu's Niece's school started. In India kids in high school seem to get very few days of summer holidays. We also went to Hyderabad for 4 days to attend my cousin's wedding. V also got to meet his BFF from Phoenix in Hyderabad and had a sleep over :). It was a good trip. V had a great time. Prabu had a blast. I had fun. All I need now is a shot of tequila so I can start planning my next trip to Italy (Hey V wants to go and I do whatever V says ;)).  And don't ask me how India is. You don't want me to open my mouth on that subject :).

Dear Nayanamma

I cried for you today. Took me 13+ years to mourn your death. It hit me today that you are not here physically. You are not here in person to celebrate my highs and talk to me during my lows. You are not here to see the man I married. You are not here to see your great-grandson. Vikram is his name. I do get a bit jealous of V at times. He has both sets of grand parents who love him to pieces. I talk to him about you. He loves to hear all the 'Nayanamma Stories' and 'Kadapa Stories'. He would have adored you Nayanamma and you would have loved him.

V's Tosi Pinni is getting married. Can you believe it? My baby sister is getting married. Remember the summer holidays where we would all get together to create havoc in the house as kids. Now I have a kid, Kiki has two kids and Toshiba is getting married. I find myself thinking, it can't be true. She should still be playing with dolls and fighting with Chaitu and Kiki for their attention. Then I remember the day I got married. Jyotattha was saying the same thing about me :).

I am sad that you are missing all of this. However, I want you to know that we are all doing good. The six of us might still fight with each other if we ever get a chance to spend an entire summer in a house. But we still got the love, now it just expanded with the spouses and kids added to the mix.

I love you and I miss you Nayanamma.

This Is Me....Not That

I am not a bitch
I am not PMS
I am not sad
I am not depression
I am not a psycho
I am not PMDD
I am not a narcissist
I am not anxiety

I am a woman
I am courage
I am a wife
I am passion
I am a mother
I am love
I am a friend
I am loyalty
I am a colleague
I am funny
I am me
I am happiness

"Kisser-Hugger-Lover-Joker"

It suddenly dawned on me that V is five years old. He is very considerate, tries his best to follow what we tell him and also has a personality of his own. No he is no perfect. I try my best to make sure that doesn't happen. So we also go through our share (and some times more) of tantrums, fights, arguments (oh he argues all right!) and tempers.

We were in NJ for a week and at the airport he said I am his 'Kisser-Hugger-Lover-Joker'. I honestly did not understand what he was talking about. He explained.
V: You are my Kisser-Hugger-Lover-Joker momma
Me: What? What does that mean?
V: You give me best kisses. You give me big hugs. You always love me and you make me laugh all the time with your funny jokes.
Me: Awww..... Thanks honey.

It would be fun to see what goes on in their little brain and how they come up with these things.

Here is a recent picture of V at the railroad park

Hypocrisy, Is That You?

I am not writing this because I think I am not a hypocrite nor am I delusional. Just something I saw today that made me think of this. Prabu and I went to watch a telugu movie. Let me re-phrase that. I wanted to watch this new movie that was out in the theater and dragged Prabu along with me to torture him for 2 hours. We expected kids to be in there. Yes, Indian movies do not seem to have the regular G, PG-13, R guidelines that are here for the “American” movies. Even if they do, parents bring their kids. I am not going to comment on it. Whatever rocks your boat!

But what got me today was this. There were 4 adults and a 9 or 10 year old sitting couple of rows ahead of us. So this song starts in the movie and one of the guy gets up and takes the girl out and brings her back in right as the song is ending and when they were walking in he closed her eyes with his hands. Why? Because the hero and heroine in the movie were kissing. He did the same again for another song. Took her out as the song started and brought her in after it ended. Prabu likes to give benefit of doubt to everyone. And even he couldn’t help but shake his head at what we just saw. And they let the girl sit through these violent scenes where people’s hands, legs and head were getting chopped off. That apparently is not a problem. The whole blocking her eyes with his hand because they walked in on a kissing scene just rubbed me the wrong way (Yes judge me and see if I care)

I still can’t get over it. Why bring her to the movie and do that? Believe me, I know all about not having a baby sitter when you want to watch your favorite movie. I sucked it up, saw it when it came on DVD, went alone while Prabu watched V or hell, if I decide that V is ready to watch a movie with that much violence then believe me a kiss won’t make a difference. Or is it because she was a girl?  Was he afraid that kids will watch these songs, grow up and will have pre-marital sex? Is that what this is all about? Pre-marital sex existed in the 17^th century, 18^th, 19^th and it exists today. I think we are just kidding ourselves if we think it’s all because of the TV shows, movies and the like of the 20^th century and that too only in the “western countries” and not in India. It happens in India, it happens in US and it happens in Pakistan. When your horny hormones kick in, I really doubt you will remember the song you did or did not see when you were 9 or 10 years old.