Mar 20, 2013

"Mafia Parenting"

You had a kid, you parent the kid. That's what I thought all along. I was wrong(I am usually never right in these things in case you missed the memo). I am not going to link up here but Wikipedia has an entire section on "Parenting Styles". Who would have thought? Well, I did. I started to think what my style is. And the answer was, "Mafia Style". Do what we tell you to do and you will be rewarded. Try funny business and you will get the consequences for it.You can come up with your own name for your parenting style but at the end of the day it's all give and take. I always make V an "Offer that he won't refuse".

Few weeks ago, my friend was telling me how she was called "mean mom" for not letting her 4 year old go to a different neighborhood by himself. I told her that the day V says, "You are so mean mom", would be the day I will pat myself in the back and say, "Good job". The only time your kid calls you mean mom or mean dad is when you are making sure they stay out of trouble. And I am sure this conversation sounds very familiar to all the parents out there (Including my own).

"But but but, A's mom lets them do it"
"You are more than welcome to go stay with A"
"There are things A's parents do that we don't and there are things we do that A's parents don't"

Lather, rinse and repeat. We all want to be perfectly rational, super patient parents. And I know some of you out there are. Well, I am not. Sometimes I like to say, "Why should you do it? Because I said so dammit. And don't you dare say dammit again." Oh yes, I do. Is it fun to sit down and play monopoly with him. Yes, it is. But are there days when I don't feel like doing it and let him watch buubleguppies instead. Hell yeah!

Somehow, these kind of posts are expected to end with a note where I tell you how much I love V no matter what. Well, guess what, I am not going to tell you. I will say this though. Question my love for him, you will have no idea what's about to hit you ;). And if you question V about his love for me, he will say the same.

Mar 1, 2013

Chicken or Egg, Marriage or Kids

The recent news of a celebrity or whatever saying that she puts her marriage first and kid second got every one all up in arms. Some agree with her, some disagree with her and some just don't care (which is probably best thing to do at times). Funny this came to light now though. I had my share of dirty looks when I said my life does not revolve around V but he is just a part of it. Sorry, not going to happen. Doesn't mean I love him any less. Just that he is going to be an adult and walk out and I have me and P-man left in the house. So I need to get my priorities right.

For the last couple of years I have been thinking about the kind of impact my parents and others' marriage in my life had on me. And the answer always seems to be: Not that great. My parents are good (and may I say awesome) role models for parenting. They are awesome when it comes to being there for others. They are the last people you want to go for marriage advice though. I wonder if it's just a cultural thing. Not just them, there are others in my life who have been married for long and some how everyone seems to just become roommates after a while and not husband and wife.

Do we just get so comfortable with each other that we don't care or is it just what marriage is all about?  There are great mothers and great fathers, but those same exact people fail to be great wives and husbands at times. And then we keep passing this awesome bad marriage genes to generations. I have my advice ready for when V turns 21 (He doesn't care at that point but I am still going to tell him). Don't get married. If you do get married, don't have kids. Every one goes in thinking, "I am not going to do that to my kid" or "I will make sure I am not my mom/dad". But guess what? You are blood/dna/genes of your parents. You can not escape from it. And there in lies the problem. All of them think "I will not do this to my kid" but no one for a second stops to think, "I will not treat my spouse like that". The day that happens is the day we can break the bad marriage gene.