Depression Hurts,You Shouldn't

Ahhh, I used the 'D' word. Well it's obvious I am going to hell anyways, so what's one more post ;). Few weeks ago CNN had an article about bi-polar disorder in kids. In it one of the doctors says "ideally, as a first line of defense, family support and therapy would be given to the child...". That got me thinking. Because I guess it applies to adults with issues of our own too. How many of us are willing to provide the support without saying things like, "Get over it" or "Fine, take some crazy pills" or my favorite, "You are just using it as an excuse". Hence the title of this post. Depression hurts people. Mental illness does things to a person's brain in a very strange way than we can ever fathom. But you shouldn't hurt people. Would you go tell a cancer patient "get over it". Would you be angry at them for "Getting cancer". No? Then why would you say the same(or be angry) to some one who has mental health issues. For me they both fall under the same category.

V was 4 months old when I started this blog. He will be 4 in few weeks and I still struggle with all the changes pregnancy and child birth has done to me physically and emotionally. The tummy you get doesn't magically go away 3 minutes after the baby is born. So you stay home till you get fit or dare go out and get asked "How many months pregnant are you" and then go back to your dark place again. You go between "aww I love this cute bundle" to "I just want you to shut up and leave me alone for just one minute". Oh yeah, happened 4 years ago. I even posted about it only to get a call asking me how can I post things like that and what happens if someone reads it and finds it offensive. I felt bad and deleted it. Come to think about it, what the fuck do I care? Growing up, my mom's favorite thing to say to me was, "Do not do anything that will make you not look at me or your dad straight in the eye". I am guessing she meant anything illegal or stupid :)(thanks mom). To feel something is not illegal neither talking about it.

One more example of why I think you should talk and you should talk it out louder about your feelings at time. 7 years ago my friend in India killed herself. I don't know why and I probably will never know. Till today I struggle with "Did I miss sending a reply to her mail?", "Did I miss anything that was obvious in her conversations?", "What could I have done". I know there was nothing that I could have done or not done that would have prevented what happened. But it still hurts once in a while to think may be, just may be if psychiatry/therapy was not seen as something for "crazies", may be she would have asked for help. When I first heard the news, after the grief came anger. I thought, "How can you be so selfish and do what you did and leave your loved ones hurt like this". It was only few months ago it hit me why she chose that route (no not because I wanted to kill myself, chill:)). It's the feeling of "There is absolutely no one in this world that can understand me or care for me". It's like the girl in the cnn article felt, "Nobody was on my side". That thought is a very dangerous place to go and that's when your brain tells you to do something, anything to get the attention you want. Some cut themselves, some set themselves on fire and some get to the top of a mountain and scream. All of them need the same thing. Few seconds of attention, a shoulder to lean on and some professional help at times :).

Happy Birthday Ganesh!

Last Saturday was Vinayaka Chavithi. V has seen an animated movie on Ganesh (the Elephant God), so he was very excited when I told him it's Ganesh's Birhday. His first question was , "Are you making a cake for Ganesh momma?"

I did not make a cake but told him we will have some pooja to do and the itsy bitsy traditions that go with it. This is the first Indian festival he participated 100% and sat through me reciting the mantras and the story and all that Jazz. He was very excited that I got him new clothes. When I showed him the Kurta pyjama he wanted to know if "Do you have a matching kurta pyjama momma". Well I didn't but found a pink saree (yes he's wearing pink, get over it).



Then we started with the slokam



At the end of the pooja my boy sang "Happy Birthday to you Ganesh" :)

Changing Professions

Nope. I am not quitting my job and becoming a Chef. It's V and his lovely thoughts on what he wants to be when he grows 'big and strong'. He is still going strong with his love for bikes, trucks, rockets and cooking. Odd combo you say? Not at all. Few weeks ago on Master Chef the task was to cook hamburgers for truck drivers. I recorded the episode and I can't tell you how much V enjoyed those 15 minutes :).

When we were in India, he was cranky one afternoon and to put him down for a nap, I started telling him about Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. He now loves to hear how they landed on the moon and all about rockets and NASA :). So last week on Top Chef, the task was to create a space food dish. And they had none other than Buzz Aldrin as Chef Guest. I missed my camera but boy oh boy. The way V's face lit up when he saw Buzz Aldrin on screen was just priceless.

Before he saw Master Chef Episode he was saying

"I will drive my Hayabusa during the day and cook at night"

After the Master Chef Episode it was
"I can cook in the truck"

And now as of today after watching Top Chef, he's decided to be Head food Scientist for NASA

It's fun to see how far kid's run with what they know. I hope he reads this one day when he is graduating from college without a Hayabusa in hand ;).

Here's my little Chef/Helper (Photo Credit: Julie:)).

What's In A Song?

The ability to make me get off my lazy ass and dance for one. And also make me start the blog after what looks like a 3 month hiatus. Finally got my mojo back that seems to have been lost some where for past few months :). It hit me recently that I haven't been singing much. It's been more than 6 years since I sang. No I am no professional singer(poor mom, tried so hard to make me a Indian Classical Singer. Sent me to music classes for years..sorry mom). I am like those characters you see in Indian movies. If you have ever seen an Indian movie, you know how you have happy songs, family songs, romantic songs, sad songs and on and on. I break into songs like that depending on how I am feeling that day or that second :). I was in this I-have-too-much-work-to-do-and-nothing-fun-is-happening-in-my-life rut for the past few months and suddenly a song woke me up and then another and few other latest hits followed. And I am feeling good again :)

Any how, let's get to business shall we? Now that the whole world knows let me introduce to my Vodina. Don't go 'googling' to find out Vodina means? It means Sister-in-law in Telugu. Oh yes, I got my own ;). I was in India for a month and I will have to say this. Those few hours of my brother getting married were the most beautiful, happiest hours for me. I heard from my dad's friends that Dad cried during my wedding ( I couldn't see;)) and I thought aww, he's so emotional. What's there to cry? Let me tell you how wrong I was. I found out the true meaning of happy tears. Probably because I saw how much these two love-birds were glowing that day :). Here's a small collage. There are like bazillion pictures. I will try and cut it down to few and post them later.



V was pretty sick that day so he hardly was in any pictures. He was also pretty upset about the fact that we weren't getting him married. "No momma. It's my wedding" he said when I told him Chaitu mama will be getting married :). Don't worry honey, your turn will come ;). He also got to meet his first cousin Pragnya. He still talks about her.



I will be posting more pics form the India trip and some more fun "V-isms" in the coming days. He is getting very chatty and is in the "I have a question about the question" phase. Good night ya'll. Promise to catch up :).